3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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