i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
