What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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