There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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