Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
