Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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