Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
