I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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