I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
