my vag is so smooth its legendary
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize