so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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