like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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