Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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