So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
