That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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