So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
