Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize