she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
