i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize