I hate all girls vehemently.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You're a waste of cheezeits
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
