I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
