When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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