Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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