He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
