why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
