Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize