You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
