Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
