I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize