I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
