Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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