It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
