she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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