I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I don't think brook has ever known best
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
