I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
