No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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