is your mom at the bar?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
