He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
