Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
