So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There's a naked man in my car right now.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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