There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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