; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
