I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
