I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Jerry, you need to find god
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
