The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
