Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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