do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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