Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
