the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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