How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize