Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
