He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
