very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
