her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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