i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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