Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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