She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
