I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
