put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
