no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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