It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize