Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
