i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
