she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
