i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
