he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
