he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize