I think I died a long time ago.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
