i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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