guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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