bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he was CRYING into my vagina
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
