Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
