sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
