Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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