Sry I called you an 8
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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