I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
