i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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