and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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