Me too!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
