Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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