my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
